Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
