i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
