So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
