I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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