I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
