Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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