Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
