so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
