Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
