So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
