he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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