He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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