in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm really busy with my period
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