Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
