so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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