After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
