Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
