bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it's like iHOP with fire
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
