if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
