sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
