oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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