Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
