her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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