Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
