God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
