all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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