Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
