How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
