Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
not ubering you a puppy
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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