mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
