Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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