When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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