K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
