We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
