I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
