Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
