All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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