I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
