she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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