i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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