He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
