I molested 6 butterflies tonight
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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