So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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