he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
