So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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