and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
