wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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