I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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