I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
