Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
