I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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